A WHISPER OF LOVE: AN ANECDOTE

Hair rising, tingly feelings.
Heart's fluttering and face's flushing.
How can I be normal when you're near?
When my inside was a mixed emotion of joy, anxiety and fear.

Your face in the back of my eye.
Your name's in my lips to cry.
With your all male and musky scent in this nose of mine.
And the very image of your well-built form, etched in my mind.

How could fate be so bad.
When it's you I've always been wishing to have.
Maybe I did something wrong.
To have fate punished me this long.

Every time you walk by, my heart would sigh.
Wearing that boyish grin and that lovely smile.
Though I'm afar watching intensely,
It felt like you're just an arm's length near me.

I know I have to get over you.
Soon but not yet though.
For I love the intensity of my feelings for you.
Though you're oblivious how much I do.

There was once you pinched my cheek, one rainy morn.
And oh, how I love to interpret it as a caress 'till I'm worn.
I could still remember your warm hand against the cool morning breeze.
And the novelty frisson ricocheted down to my knees when to you I gazed.

I used to reprimand myself and would say, "get a grip".
And stop the nonsense daydreaming before it gets too deep.
But my heart's just too stubborn and wayward.
And it refused to succumb, now I fell so hard.

You crept all over me, seeping into my vein.
Containing my blood streams, now I have to feign.
Feigning my every move every time you're near.
Is my knee-jerk reaction to hide from you that I cared.

But my eyes were wide open to the reality.
That having you is utterly insanity.
For you have had a lover.
A woman in my heart so dear.

Yes, you're happily and contentedly in love with her.
My best friend and in my heart, a sister.
Wait for my feelings to die that's what I should do.
Though in my heart I'll always say, sotto voce, I LOVE YOU.

WHEN WE TWO MET

I was once so lost.
With nothing, not even my self-confidence to boast.
I was child of silence and oblivion.
With only loneliness as my companion.

I've never got the chance to mature up.
For in this naivety, I was fully entrapped.
Trapped in his world of juvenility.
This world that comes to bore me to insanity.

And then I got a chance to escape.
But more confusion to me was draped.
I then wished I never let my dark familiar environs.
For there I know where to find solace in times of confusions.

I roamed around every dark alleys.
Rumagging the sidewalks with answers to my queries.
But then I found a gaped door, enticing me to set a foot in.
which I reluctantly did, but was the amazed by he different colors I've never once seen.

In my Stygian life,
I've always been wishing for a spark of light.
But not just a flicker gleamed,
For a whole spectrum of light in my face beamed.

You painted my null life with shining gold.
You shaded my dreams with red, so bold.
You hinted my dusky and drab thoughts wih bright yellow.
You tinted with scintillating blue all of my unlit hollows.

You dyed with lustrous orange every corners of my unilluminated insides.
You tinged with lively green all of the parts of me that almost died.
You toned my wan complexion with glossy pink.
You stained the glooms of my skies with the most glowing white I could ever think.

The once lost child was never to be seen.
Replaced by a woman with so much curiosity to quench.
Sipping every tidbits of information I could glean.
Covering with exuberant and vivacious images all of my memories of that sable place I've been.

I am a changed woman in every aspects that you'll see.
For you inspired me to be who I want to be.
I am a woman with a good and straight look at the future,
Just because I took a peep at your door.

I never thought change could be this good.
Bu I am adjusting as contentedly as I could.
I am making my way in achieving my dreams that was once ruined.
Letting my pessimistic thoughts be carried by the winds.

Oh. of all he great things you did,
Can I ever pay your every good deeds?
Of every ideas and thoughts you installed in my mind,
Can I ever replace it in kind?

Can I ever pay all the things to you I'm indebted?
Can I ever return every lessons in my mind you fed?
Can I ever recompense you for supplying my every literary needs?
At least, let me thank you for waking up my once sleepy head.

I never thought that I could reach this point of my life.
When writing my thoughts is not anymore a strife.
You restored and encouraged every savable fibers of my being.
That was never destructed by that catastrophic world I was residing.

I never had a dream that was fulfilled, I recall.
But now, dreaming and wishing are very much possible.
I never thought these yearnings would be set.
But it did, when we two met.

THE INSIDE

I write for I love it.
I write what I felt.
I write for I feel free.
I write when my emotions permit me.

I write not because I'm bored.
I write because I am endowed.
I write to conform and to inform.
I write to entertain and to what I can attain.

Superficially, I felt like that.
But in my inside, there are secret reasons that sat.
The myriad reasons why I did write.
The same reasons that I covered with blithe.


Inside me...

I write to ease my bruised heart.
I write to soothe my pent-up feelings for a start.
I write to vent my emotional baggage.
I write to liberate my heart that's in a cage.

I write to occupy my thoughts.
I write every screaming sentiments I caught.
I write to cover the negative notions in my mind.
I write every little ideas I can find.

I write to keep loneliness at bay.
I write to keep insanities away.
I write what I can't say.
I write when my vocals fails me.

I write to be understood.
I write every time I could.
I write when I never should have.
I write for it is my countless emotional wound's only salve.


<bow>

WHERE TO?

I am just a vagrant in this vast world of nothingness.

This world of shattered dreams and battered hopes.

A mere being full of wanderlust.

In this dilapidated planet of naught but dusts.

I have been travelling far so long.

Across distant lands, deserts and oceans.

I've been frozen from the coldest snow storm,

And been charred by the scorching sun.

There's nothing, no one but me, I can see.

I saw no animal, nor mammal but the two-legged me.

Not a thing, but the never-ending mountain range and streams.

And the burning desire that fired-up my every dreams.

Dreams that were the sole reason I hold on to this thread.

The thread that keep me from slipping away from my creed.

My creed that persist me from being alive.

For living is my lone intention in this life.

But now I'm in a deadlock, in a full stop.

Like water in pool, as stagnant as the tree sap.

The globetrotter in me wants to have somewhere to go.

But in this world of oblivion, WHERE TO?

WHERE IS MY HAPPY ENDS

I hate love stories
a happily-ever-after kind of thing.
They kept on telling me lies,
lies about happy-endings , true loves and their kind.
They kept me going on daydreaming, that someday,
 I would have my prince charming, astriding on his white horse,
rescuing me from the bitches and witches of my life.

I hate it, I hate it.
But I keep watching anyway..

=)