..AND I HATE THAT WORD

Comparison, I loathe that word,
And the whole gamut of emotions it bode.
Frustration screamed in me,
Every time I am compared openly.

Why just can't they forget it,
That, that certain word exist.
When most of the time it brings,
Sorrows and some unpleasant feelings.

How could you take it, if put in such situation.
With an audience and a mocking accusation.
How would you react to that blatant accusation?
When you were innocent of the forthcoming  mockery.

I may abhor it, but I'm accustomed to it now.
Not to display any emotion, was what I vowed.
For an exposition of just a hint of of what I feel.
Is a weakness I refuse to reveal.

AN ANECDOTE OF MY FIRST HEARTACHE

When I first saw you, it was just a crush.
A teener's admiration in a hush.
An admiration turned puppy love.
A simple uncomplicated feeling I had.


We were freshmen then, and on our second semester.
We were in the same PE dance class, I could still remember.
Although we were not in the same group nor partners.
I was more than contented to see you laughing with your peers.


Winter came, so with summer spring and fall.
A year had gone by the more I droll.
I would give anything just to be a constant company of you.
Anything to be there wherever you go.


But then fate intervened.
Oh, I loved its manipulations then.
I could have thank fate for everything it did.
It seems to acknowledge, I'm no more a kid.


I hardly could imagine,
That in reality it would happen.
For in our junior year I was transferred to your class.
And was befriended with you that fast.


My happiness was unfathomable.
When I learned you remembered me and all.
Learning you could still recall,
Who I was and what our NSTP group did that fall.


Fate had been so good to be true.
Making me a part of the Nursing Research group where the leader was you.
Then and there I came to know you more.
And for me, you were not end never had been a bore.


Yes, our classmate was your sweetheart that time.
But my heart never seems to mind.
Because deep in my heart I knew.
That you won't last in my point of view.


Yes you two didn't work it out.
Due to the many rows you both had, I doubt.
Much for my gladness, I still felt sad.
Seeing you brokenhearted, crying and sad.


And the a year or more was what I've been longing for.
When six time a week my heart would soar.
Three days in class, three days in the same hospital duties with you.
Was what my heart's always craving to do.


During our senior year, I knew my feelings intensified.
But as always, I had to hide.
Afraid for the outcomes of my feelings if you knew.
Afraid for our friendship to end, one thing I might rue.


You were oblivious to my feelings.
The way I wanted it, to be hidden.
But deep in my heart I knew.
I wanted you badly to be my beau.


But every time I got a chance to say.
Even my bravado failed to convey.
How could my non-existing courage help me be.
When even my guts betrayed me.


I am a traditional Filipina, as in my blood it runs.
And I am to behave like a proper one.
I am not supposed to reveal what I really feel.
But wait for you even if it's like waiting for snow in hell.


School year was then to be over.
But I was still waiting, almost in tears.
Since that first Sunday I laid my eyes on you.
Up to now that we were to graduate, I am still yearning for you.


My faith and hopes died.
When I saw you walking by her side.
Extreme sadness, excruciating pain and cold numbness struck me.
When I saw you were grinning, contented and very happy.


What more was I to do?
but to say goodbye to the feeling I had for you.
Although I was hurt I had to say.
that the four blissful and agonizing years of waiting didn't pay.


More or so. I was happy to let you go.
I can't force you to love me too.
But I knew I had to request A friendly hug from you.
Which you obliged during Recollection, not knowing I loved you.


Yes, you hugged me for three seconds or so.
And whispered in my ears, "I'll miss you".
My euphoric heart did galloped.
But then you added, "together with your group".


It may be hard for me to let go.
The love that I've been cultivating for years or so.
But I can't dwell on my unreciprocated feelings.
Cause I knew Kismet would pay my heartaches for a worthy being.


So here I am.
Waiting for my feelings to calm down.
And for the last time, savoring the taste of my love for you.
The bittersweet taste of an unrequited love kills me to sorrow.

A SHADE OF YOU

I've been way too long in the darkness,
In the abyss of death, terror and so much unhappiness.
Light, even a spark is a chimera.
How come I was born in this despicable miasma?

My eyes were wide open to the disarray of my environment.
And my poor wounded and scarred heart's fed up from imprisonment.
Oh this wretched situation I am in,
When will I be free from this annihilating den?

I've been praying for so long,
That someday I will have someone to belong.
But I've got no one to turn to, no one to trust.
For this place is nothing but gloom, shabby remains and dusts.

And then I saw a grayish hue,
I tried to blink from astonishment, but it won't go.
I've been dreaming of this for some times,
But anticipation for me is a crime.

I tried to block from my mind that growing tint.
Afraid that it might not be real nor a hint.
That a forthcoming change in my life is near,
For rejection, rebuff and others of that ilk, is what I've always feared.

But the gray I saw glowed and spread,
Shading my dim world with a hint of something red.
I was dumbfounded to everything I could see.
But still the change is an enigma to me.

Now my life's changed at full pelt.
I am ecstatic, pleasured and confident up to the hilt.
For that hue that shaded my life in different colors,
Is the YOU that's been missing in my life before..

YOU MADE ME SMILE

In my small circle of selected friends,
I never thought that I would befriend my fellow book fiends.
Friendship that was built by instinct and trust.
Friendship that we started from scratch.


Although we came from different lands.
Spoke our dialect unknown to some.
We were bonded by that invisible bond.
The bond that made us understand every matter on hand.


When I first visited the site.
I was rather full of fright.
For I feared I might be rejected on sight.
But how wrong was I,for they welcomed me with blight.


I was greeted with arms wide open.
My queries were all answered then.
And while I was exploring my limited visiting grounds.
I met two new lovely friends who were willing to stay around.


They voluntarily helped me finished what was asked.
Gleaning 20 post was then for me, an easy task.
I was very thankful when I saw the whole forum at last.
And was awed by TOP's world that's so vast.


I've always been shy to strangers.
Hiding in my secure cocoon surrounded with fears.
But here, I never felt like that.
It's so queer and I don't care a jot.








Things changed so fast.
Time flew and passed.
I can't believe I've been here for two months and a half.
And in the duration of my stay, I laughed, laughed and laughed.


I'm not really friendly to strangers, may it be man or woman.
I retreat to my safe grounds whenever I happen to meet one.
But to my new-found friends, my soul is bare.
I opened up, what i never used to share.


I am contented to keep inside what I feel.
Even to my best buddies I am too shy to whisper what I want to yell.
A schizoid and a loner was I.
Happy to be alone with myself yet I don't know why.


Since I joined the group.
Changes had me engulfed.
My self-esteem lifted a little higher.
I have gained a confidence I can wear.


As now, I've got four close friends.
The closest I have in which I never choose nor intends.
They are someone I can talk to though how busy I am.
Some one who are willing to listen and stay around.


They're not just an outlet to where I pour my heart out.
Nor my second opinions whenever I'm in doubt.
But they're my best anonymous chum.
Whom I've known through an online fun.








I may not mention your names.
You knew who you are, whom in my life came.
And if I am to swallow the most acrid bile.
I'll still have this glow in my face behind every unfortunate vile.
For its you who made me wear these charming little smiles .